My Own Private Paradise
by Princess Lo
Summary: Before and after the journey to find Ray Brower, there was another one there. After their journey, what happens next? How did they change, how did they stay the same?
1. My Boys

_**My Own Private Paradise**_

**Author**: hell's lil angel13

**Summary**:Before and after the journey to find Ray Brower, there was another one there. After their journey, what happens next?

**Disclaimer**:I only own Shawn, all the rest belongs to Stephen King and Rob Reiner and whoever else created Stand By Me.

**A/N**:I know this has been done so many times before, but I, and many others apparently, happen to like them, so I'm giving it a try. Just so you know, there are pieces in here that connect to the book as well as the movie, so if you notice it's more like the book than movie, that's cos I made it that way, the biggest will be that its in Maine like the book instead of Oregon, mostly b/c I can connect better with Maine. Please r&r?

**_My Boys_**

You know how everyone is supposed to have that one best friend in their life that is always there for them when they need them, no matter what? That one friend they can go to for anything and talk about whatever, like boys and breaking up and just anything without being judged? Well, girls have their girlfriends; guys have their macho men, and me? I have my boys, four guys in the neighborhood who are my age and who are, in my eyes at least, a few of the coolest cats around.

I'd lived in Maine since I was nine and never really left Castle Rock since then. My daddy was a football coach and had been since I was little. When I was six, he started working so hard, my mama left him and tried to take me with her, but I stayed with Coach.

There aren't any girls my age around Castle Rock where I live, just a bunch of bitches from up on the View who let's just say I don't get along with too well.

I remember the summer of 1959 was a real turning point in our friendship for the five of us. It was the hottest summer in decades and there was really nothing to do after July or August. Well, until the Friday before Labor Day, that is.

Daddy had a meeting somewhere, I think in Portland, and I was home alone for a few days. Naturally, I hung around with the guys most of the days and well into the nights, it was lonely at my place. So, that morning, I was sleeping in later than I usually would, but who was I kidding, I had nowhere's to be. Well, I didn't think I did, but apparently Verno thought otherwise.

Vern Tessio lived about a mile up the street from me and was one of my best friends, along with three other wackjob guys. He was trying everything he could think of in what little mind the god Lord decided to give him to get me up. He knocked on the door, threw rocks at my window, kicked at the door, and so many other things that annoyed the hell out of me so much I had to go to the front door.

"Okay Verno, you better have a good explanation for waking me up," I said to him while I tried to rub the sleep out of my eyes and get them to focus a little better.

"I do, sincerely, I do. Get dressed and come to the tree house, this is so boss, come on!" he was practically pissing himself with excitement, so I nodded and held up my hand to tell him to wait.

I was pulling my shirt on over my head and trying to walk down the stairs at the same time. Amazingly, I was able to keep myself upright and not fall down the stairs. Vern was still jumping in my doorway and holding my chucks out to me so I could get them on while we walked to the tree house a mile away.

Did I say walk? Well, I had to run to keep up with Vern all the way to our tree house. "Vern, would you fucking slow down!" I yelled. I had just woken up and it was well over eighty, so, in other words, this was no time to be running a mile to get to a bug-infested fort.

I think I'll take this time here to pause a sec. I kinda forgot to introduce myself, you'll have to forgive me, my manners are not the greatest. So, my name's Shannon...Shannon Elizabeth Collins to be exact, but no one calls me that except the teachers. I don't really know why, but for as long as I can remember, to everyone, I've been Shawn. Teddy Duchamp was the first one to call me that when we first met and it just kinda stuck since then. I don't really remember why he called me that in the first place, but, oh well, doesn't matter. He musta thought that Shannon didn't suit me too well, which I can't agree with more.

I have rusty, brownish-reddish hair and brown eyes. Sadly, I'm pretty short, only about 4'10, but I'm hitting growth spurts like crazy right now, which I'm happy about, I'll finally pass the 5 foot mark, go me!

All my friends are guys and that's alright with me, 'cos I'm such a tomboy that I can connect so much better with them than with any other girls. Yeah, I guess you can say I'm just one of the guys and that's perfectly fine with me.

Vern, Teddy, and the other two, Gordie Lachance and Chris Chambers, are more like brothers to me than you can ever imagine. They are like older brothers in the fact that they try to protect me all the time, even if they know I can take care of myself. It can annoy me sometimes, but I get over it 'cos I know they're just doing it because they care about me.

I moved to Castle Rock from another small town nobody ever heard of called Broken Ridge, California. My daddy was a high school football coach there, too, but once they started to loose too many games, they got a new coach and we had to move. We've been in Castle Rock since then.

Vern got up the ladder first and knocked on the trap door, which Gordie opened for us, after I had to do the secret knock that he forgot about, again.

After a few attempts of Vern trying to tell us what was so boss, the attempts that we kept stopping by breaking into a horribly off-key chorus of 'I ran all the way home,' we kinda stopped listening. I was just reaching for a tonic in the cooler when Vern uttered those life-changing words. "You guys wanna go see a dead body?" We all froze.

He told us quickly how he heard his brother Billy and Charlie Hogan talking about how they found Ray Brower's body near the Back Harlow Road. That was too far from us, we could go see it if we wanted! Dude, this would solve our summer boredom in seconds!

"Can you come Shawn?" Vern asked me excitedly.

"Daddy won't be back for a few days, you know I'm in," I said smiling and Teddy even started jumping up and down in his seat. He looked over at Chris and Gordie, who had stayed quiet. Chris had a fading black eye and a cut on the bridge of his nose, I didn't like the look of either of them. But, they both said that they'd come with us to see the body.

It was almost too good to be true when we finished figuring out how we'd be able to get this past our parents and have no one finding out about what we were actually doing. We split up to ask our parents if it would be okay if we "camped out in Vern's backyard." I really couldn't ask my dad, who wouldn't be back for a few more days, so I went with Teddy so he could ask his mother if he could go.

I liked Mrs. Duchamp, she was always so nice and her house always smelled like something really tasty was baking in the ovens. Today it smelled like peanut butter chocolate chip cookies.

"Mom! Mom, where are you?" Teddy yelled up the stairs when we came into his house. She made some noise from the kitchen and I led him in there, the smell of the cookies becoming too great for my nose to handle any more.

"Hi Mrs. Duchamp," I said and snagged a cookie quickly from the cookie sheet. I think I burned my finger on the sheet, it was really hot! "Youch!"

"Hello Shawn, careful, the cookie sheet's very hot," Mrs. Duchamp said to me while I sucked on my finger and held the cookie in my other hand. "What are you two up to?"

"Can I go tent out in Vern Tessio's back field tonight? I'll go there right before supper and then go to the races tomorrow?"

"I don't know Teddy, who's going to be there?"

"Just the guys; Vern, me, Gordie, Chris, Shawn."

"I suppose," Mrs. Duchamp said and Teddy whooped excitedly, gave her a kiss on the cheek and literally dragged me down the stairs to his basement/bedroom type thing. He took a bedroll and started throwing a bunch a clothes and random other crap at me, where I put them in the blanket.

Then, we went to my house where I did pretty much the same thing as he did, running all around my house to get everything we needed for an adventure I will never forget any time soon.


	2. Starting Out

_**My Own Private Paradise**_

**Author**: hell's lil angel13

**Summary**:Before and after the journey to find Ray Brower, there was another one there. After their journey, what happens next? How did they change, how did they stay?

**Disclaimer**: see chapter one

**A/N**:This one is kinda short, sorry about that, but I'm sure the rest will be longer. And, this is 2 in one day. Can you say horray for spring break? YAY!  
**JJAH:** Yeah, I agree, the basement does suit Teddy. I tried putting him in a normal room and I didn't like it, so I threw him into the basement pretty much. Haha, glad you like the story.

_**Starting Out**_

It was just after eleven o'clock that morning when we set out after the body. To tell you the truth, I was having a few second thoughts about going at all. But, I said I'd go and I really wanted to. Plus, wanting to go back would be pussy and Shannon Elizabeth Collins is no pussy! I wouldn't turn back until we started back towards Castle Rock.

Teddy and I met Vern at the tree and then waited for Chris and Gordie to come. We didn't have to wait long, they came only a few minutes after we did. Gordie looked kinda sad about something and I was about to ask him what was wrong when Chris started laughing.

"What's so funny?" I asked him suspiciously. He looked kinda stupid, standing there and just randomly laughing. He told us about the incident behind the Blue Point Diner with his father's .45 and accidentally shooting a garbage can.

"Aww, that poor garbage can! Gordie, how could you?" I said jokingly and Gordie looked at me, a mock-hurt look on his face.

"When did you turn into such a pussy Collins?" he asked me and I sucker-punched him in the arm without skipping a beat.

"I'm no pussy Lachance!" I said quickly as we started walking. "How far do you think it's gonna be?"

"I'd say about twenty miles, if we follow the tracks all the way into Harlow," Chris said thoughtfully. "Sound right to you Gordie?"

"Yeah, yeah it might even be thirty."

Behind me, I heard Vern and Teddy fighting over whether they should just walk or hitchhike to Harlow.

"Did you mother ever have any kids who lived?" I heard Teddy say and I snorted. With them, this was going to be a long and interesting journey alright.

We were walking on the tracks just past the View when Vern stopped the guys from singing—a break for my ears, thank God—and mentioned his hunger. "Hey I'm kinda hungry, who's got the food?"

"Oh shit, did anybody bring anything?" Teddy said and I looked around. I don't think any of us did. Boy were we screwed now!

"Nope, Gordie?"

Gordie shook his head and Teddy groaned. "What are we supposed to do, eat our feet?"

"If we are eating our feet, you keep your stinky, jammy toes away from me," I said quickly.

"What you didn't bring anything either?" he yelled at me. We all started arguing over the stupidest thing that we could think of: why we didn't bring food. Vern had to defend his comb, which was pretty weak and stupid if I say so myself, when Gordie stopped us by saying, "Let's just see how much money we have!"

Together, we had two-thirty-eight. Gordie mentioned Quidachioluo's being a little ways past the junkyard where we could get come food and tonics.

Chris looked over his shoulder to see an oncoming train. We jumped off the tracks onto the grass, all of us except for Teddy. He stayed on the tracks with this freakish gleam in his eyes behind those giant coke-bottle glasses.

"Come on Teddy, get down," Chris said, but Teddy, being the stubborn assed moron he was, was all, "No, I'm gonna dodge it."

"Teddy, come on, you're crazy, get down here," I yelled as the train started coming faster towards us. Next thing I know, Chris is pushing past me and running up to the tracks and wrestling Teddy down to the ground and away from the ground.

"I'm just trying to save your life! You wanna get yourself killed, is that what you want god dammit? You're trying to kill yourself!" Chris yelled over the sound of the train, Teddy screaming and swearing at him the entire time.

I tried to get in between them, trying to break them up with the help of Gordie and Vern. But, just as the train passed us, I got an elbow right in the chest and another right in my nose. I think I tasted blood.

I don't really remember who I hit, but I swung out my arm and my fist came in contact with something. That stopped everything and while Chris and Teddy were off making peace and Gordie came to see me. He gave me some of his water out of his canteen and told me there was blood on my face.

"Just hold still," he said and took the bottom of his shirt and wiped the blood off my nose. Chris and Teddy were back then and we started moving again. We'd make a pit stop at the junkyard for a while, then find a place in the woods to stay for the night.

We got to the junkyard fence about five minutes later, where we stood for a second, looking out at all the broken and crappy-looking cars on the other side. We ignored the 'No trespassing' sign as usual and scaled the fence to get to the pump and shade.


	3. First Showdown

_**My Own Private Paradise**_

**Author**: hell's lil angel13

**Summary**:Before and after the journey to find Ray Brower, there was another one there. After their journey, what happens next? How did they change, how did they stay?

**Disclaimer**: see chapter one

**A/N**: I'm glad you all like this story so much, and only the first 2 chappies. Alright, here's chap 3.  
Standbyme406: Yeah, I 3 that line sfm. A friend of mine actually said that to me, got me really angry, but I never thought I'd end up using it later. lolz (jammy toes line for ppl who have no idea what I'm talking about)

_**First Showdown**_

"Come on men, let's move!" Teddy yelled over his shoulder, using his bedroll as a machine gun and running in front of Vern to get to the pump first. I shook my head and walked over after them, trying to remember why I hung out with these weirdos.

"You're crazy," I said as Teddy started to pump the water out of the pump a mile a minute. He either didn't hear me or chose to ignore me, though.

Gordie and Chris raced past us then, Chris winning and announcing the results to everyone. The three of us filled the canteens while Gordie and Chris gave each other a "man-hug" and walked over to the only shady spot in the junkyard, under a broken-down car, or at least I think that's what it was.

We sat in silence for a few minutes until Teddy asked us, "Have you guys been watching the _Mickey Mouse Club_ lately?" We all nodded and said that we had. "I think Annette's tits are getting bigger."

Instantly, I threw a rock at Teddy and hit him in the shoulder. "You're a goddamn pervert, you know that?"

Chris looked over at Teddy and said interestedly, "You think so?"

"Chris!"

"You know, I think he's right," Gordie said and I started trying to block my ears. It was hard and didn't work too well, since it still heard, "I've been noticing lately that the A and the E are starting to bend around the sides."

"Annette's tits are great," Vern said and I covered my ears again.

"La la la, I'm not listening to this! Lalalalalala, I'm not listening!" I said and the boys started laughing at me.

We were quiet again until Vern said, "This is really a good time."

"The most," Chris agreed.

"A blast," Teddy said while we all started throwing rocks into a can we found earlier.

"Gnarliest," I said, using the surfing lingo I, for some reason, still used from my time in the sweet surfing spots of California beaches. Again, they laughed at my choice of words and we started spitting water into the can. Well, except Teddy, who spit it right in Vern's ear.

"Great, spit at the fat kid, real good! What time is it Gordie?" Gordie checked his watch; it was a quarter after one. "We better get the food, junkyard opens at three, Chopper will be here."

"Ooh, sic balls," Chris laughed.

"Well, at least we know one of us will be safe," I said.

"Hey," Teddy said, "don't talk about Vern that way, he's just underdeveloped!" We laughed at Vern's expense while Gordie pulled out five coins so we could flip to see who would go get the food. The first flip was three heads and two tails. We tried again and all of us got tails.

Of course, after this, Vern had to go into a five-minute long hissy fit about why this was a bad sign and a goocher. He really didn't need to, it was common knowledge. After a bit of yelling from the rest of us, we flipped one last time. On four dirty, grimy wrists were four tails again and on Gordie's was the deciding factor: Thomas Jefferson's head on his dirty wrist.

Teddy started laughing his crazy, maniacal laugh and said, "Ooh, Gordie looses! Gordie just screwed the pooch. Eee-eee-eee!"

"Does the word retarded mean anything to you?" Gordie said annoyed that he had to go.

"Just go get the provisions you morphadite," Teddy said, still laughing annoyingly.

"Don't call me any of your mother's pet names."

"What a wet end you are Lachance."

"Shut up!" Ooh, he shouldn't have said that one!

"_I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you I throw up,_" we said and gagged each other. Boy, now that is one that never gets old, ever. Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise!

"Yeah, then your mother comes around the corners and licks it up," Gordie said back and started running while we threw dirt and rocks at him. I'm pretty sure he flicked us off, too, but we were too bust tackling each other to notice too much.

Man, friends like these when you're twelve can compare to nothing else, you know that? Once you have friends when you're twelve, it's this insanely bitchin' feeling that you can't get rid of ever again and nothing can ever beat that feeling.

Gordie left and we sat back against the broken-down car, content and happy with the day. There were no grown-ups trying to control our every move, and that was first from where we came from. In the words of Gordie, it was grand.

"So, school starts tomorrow," Vern said and I groaned. Don't remind me! School sucked after the first few days. The first few days are fine; you get to see your friends and meet your teachers and shit like that, but after that...nothing.

"Come on Shawn, it won't be that bad. You'll be with Gordie almost all day long," Chris said to me. It was true, we would both be in the college courses, even though I would be taking a few shop classes, so I'd be with Chris and Teddy and Vern, too.

"Yeah, but I'll be all alone in gym, which is the worst class to be alone in! I hate middle school," I said, thinking about the curriculum and how we don't have coed gym until high school.

"Goddamn mosquitoes!" Teddy yelled as he tried, and failed sadly, to kill one that was sucking on his finger. I laughed at him and was about to say something else when we heard something that made the hair on my arms stand straight up. A car door slammed and someone swore.

"Shit, Milo's early!" Vern said nervously and we grabbed all our stuff and ran to the fence at the other end of the junkyard. Gordie still wasn't back yet, though.

I was just scaling the fence when I looked back over my shoulder and saw Gordie, and so did Milo. "Hey, hey you kid, get back here! Get back here god dammit or ill sic my dog on you!"

"Oh man, he's in deep shit," I said quietly to Teddy.

"Sic him boy, Chopper, sic him!" Milo yelled and that was when Gordie, already halfway to the fence, started to yell and run for his life.

"Run Gordie, run!" we all yelled after him. He leaped and literally made it up the fence in two steps. He fell down almost on Teddy when he jumped down on the other side, who was laughing at the "fearless, hellhound" Chopper, who was a golden retriever.

"_That's_ Chopper?"

"Come on Choppie, sic ball, come Choppie, kiss my ass, kiss my ass, bite shit!" Teddy said, rubbing his ass against the fence and grabbing his balls. Wow, that kid had no ego whatsoever. I really shouldn't be talking, since I was throwing dirt at him and annoying Chopper just as much as Teddy.

"Hey, stop teasing my dog! Stop teasing him, ya hear. I outta beat your ass sonny, teasing him like that," Old Man Milo said to Teddy.

Teddy just went on smiling and said, "Yeah, I'd like to see you come over the fence and get me, fat ass!"

"Don't call me that you little tin-weasel, peckerwood loony son." If you blinked right there, you would've missed the drastic change Teddy's face made.

"What did you call me," Teddy said dryly. All of us stopped laughing too and waited to see what would happen. Old Man Milo just broke one of the most important Cardinal Sins, never ever insult someone's old man. But, he kept it up, even when Teddy exploded and screamed, "AAH! I'M GONNA RIP YOUR HEAD OFF AND SHIT DOWN YOUR NECK! I'M GONNA KILL HIM!" Chris and I pulled him off the fence before he could get all the way up.

"He just wants you to go over there so he can beat the piss outta you and take you to the cops!" Chris yelled, which made Milo go at him. I had Teddy in a half-nelson then and had to drag him off while he yelled after Milo.

"My father stormed the beach at Normandy! He stormed the beach you faggot!" I pushed down a little harder on his neck to make him shut up and cooperate a little better. We turned the corner and he was really crying at this point. None of us knew what to do.

"Shh, shh Teddy, quiet," I said softly to him as we dragged behind a little. "Its okay, come on now. He's just an asshole, its okay," I said and tried to get him to calm down, but he just pushed me away.

Chris looked at me and I just shrugged my shoulders. All of us tried to get him to clam down, but he just kept telling us to forget it and it was nothing.

Vern started singing the Ballad of Paladin, which we all gave him looks at quickly to make him shut up. Then, we stayed quiet until he was ready to break the silence with, "I'm sorry if I'm spoiling everyone's good time."

"I'm not sure it should be a good time," Gordie said wisely.

"You saying you wanna go back?"

"No, just...going to see a dead kid, maybe it shouldn't be a party." We agreed, Vern saying that the kid might look all gross with blood and guts pouring out, which made Chris yell at him to shut the hell up, god dammit.

"I'm sorry, I can't help it," he said and I gave him a look. What a bedtime story he was giving us!


	4. Blood Brothers

_**My Own Private Paradise**_

**Author**: hell's lil angel13

**Summary**:Before and after the journey to find Ray Brower, there was another one there. After their journey, what happens next? How did they change, how did they stay?

**Disclaimer**: see chapter one

**A/N**: This was kinda hard to write, since I had a classmate who died a few days ago who was hit by a car, may he rest in peace now. I really liked writing this, so I hope you enjoy it.

**_Blood Brothers_**

It was when the radio started playing Lollipop when we were in the woods a little that Teddy and Vern started dancing and making me laugh at them. I was walking behind them and in front of Gordie and Chris, who weren't talking and Gordie was looking forlorn. I wondered what was wrong, but he and Chris started talking and I decided not to disturb them.

"Mighty Mouse is a cartoon, Superman's a real guy," Teddy was telling Vern when I walked up to them.

"Of course Superman's a real guy Teddy, duh!" I said. That was the most obvious thing on earth. Who wouldn't think Superman was a real guy? That's why he's never gonna die (A/N: RIP Christopher Reeve).

"I know that, it's Vern who doesn't."

I looked back, Chris and Gordie were really far behind us now. "Come on girls, we don't have all day!"

"Yeah, by the time we get there the kid won't even be dead anymore!" Sometimes I wonder about Teddy's own sanity.

We made it to a bridge over the river where we all stopped for a second. If a train came, we'd be just like Ray Brower, now what?

"Anyone know when the next train's due?" Vern asked when Chris suggested the Route 136 Bridge. Teddy said that that would take way too long and they could if they wanted, but he'd be on the other side, relaxing with his thoughts.

"Come on, we're acting like pussies. One train already came and the chances of another coming when any of us are on here is like...one in a million, let's go," I said and started walking first, with Teddy following close behind me. Chris, then Vern, and then Gordie followed behind us.

Teddy and I made it almost to the end, probably only five feet off when Gordie screamed, "TRAIN!" We all looked back in shock that a train was actually coming. I was still for a moment until Teddy pushed me in my back to get me moving.

Chris made it safely to the other end, too, but Vern, who had been crawling most of the way, and Gordie still had a ways to go. We all started screaming for them to hurry up and run. The train was really gaining on them now and the conductor must have seen them, since the whistle was blaring in our ears.

"JUMP! JUMP GUYS!" I screamed at them and Gordie must have heard or at least read my lips. He tackled Vern and they fell onto a ledge just as the train whizzed past where they were standing just seconds before.

We waited for it to pass and then ran to see if they were okay. They were, but very dusty and rubbing their heads. "Hey," Chris said, "at least now we know when the next train was due."

I looked at him and snapped in his face. He flinched, I'm happy to say, and I did the ol' 'two for flinching' routine and punched him in the arm twice. "Come on, we gotta keep moving. You guys okay?"

Vern and Gordie came up the ledge slowly and we kept on moving while we still had time. It would be a few hours before sunset, but we needed to find a place to make camp for the night before that.

It was two-and-a-half hours before we found a good place in the woods to stay. Gordie made a pit of rocks where we would put the fire and Vern and Teddy went off to collect sticks. Me and Chris did too, in another part of the woods.

I was just reaching for a branch near me when I cut my arm on a thick pricker bush I didn't notice. "Oh damn," I said loudly as I looked at the scratch. It wasn't deep, but it stung like nobody's business.

"What, you okay?" he asked me quickly while I wiped some of the blood off my arm.

"Yeah, just cut myself on the stupid branch. Hey, I think we got enough sticks for a fire, let's head back." We went back to Gordie at almost the same time as Teddy and Vern were also coming back and we all put the branches in a pile together near the pit.

It took three matches, but we were finally able to get the fire going, which was when Gordie pulled out some hamburger meat for our dinner along with some cokes. Vern's fell in the fire, 'cos he didn't listen to Chris when Chris told him right before it fell in to turn it over, and then Teddy and Chris had to go and make fun of him, again.

"How bout you cook your dick?"

"Be a small meal," Chris said and we all laughed. But, Vern got it out of the fire, anyway. We had some Winston's after that and Gordie told us his newest story, about Lard Ass and a pie-eating contest. Just like Chris said, it was the best.

We talked into the night. I don't even remember what we talked about anymore, it was the kind of stuff that everyone talks about, then they discover the opposite sex and those conversations get completely wiped out of your mind.

Don't you hate it when you're just about to fall asleep, then something has to go and wake you up right away and you have to start all over in trying to get to sleep? Well, that's what happened to me.

All of us jumped at the sound that was like women screaming, like they were being murdered or something. Teddy was convinced it was Ray Brower, walking around the woods, trying to find a place to rest forever. "I wanna go see the ghost," he said, but there was another piercing noise that freaked him out, making him fall and yell, "Jesus H. Bald-headed Christ!"

Gordie suggested we keep watch and Teddy volunteered for first watch. Let me tell you how that went! He was talking and keeping us up for the first twenty minutes, pretending he was a corporal in the army, just like his old man.

"Teddy, I swear, if you don't shut up I'll come over there and kick your ass in!" I yelled at him while the others just told him to shut the hell up. I slept through a little of Teddy's watch and all of Vern's. Mine came next, but nothing happened during my watch that you'd really care about. I saw a couple squirrels trying to attack each other, that's about it.

I woke up Chris when it was his turn to take watch and tried to fall back to sleep, but I couldn't for some reason. I was tired, but I just couldn't keep my eyes closed for too long.

After a little while of trying, I heard Gordie, who was next to me on my left, moaning a little in his sleep. I shifted a little to see what was wrong and saw that Chris was also looking at him to see what was wrong. Gordie yelled and woke up quickly, then mentioned something to Chris about Denny, his late older brother.

"I miss him Chris." Chris told him to go back to sleep, but like me, he couldn't. So, he went over to Chris at the tree we all stayed near during our watches and talked to Chris about taking the college courses with me and him.

What I heard next, about Chris confessing why he couldn't and about Old Lady Simons stealing money from him, broke my heart. And all three of us knew that there was almost nothing we could do about it. Thickly, through tears of shame and years of sadness that Chris Chambers, the toughest guy in town, had been harboring all these years, he said, "I just wish...I could go someplace where nobody knows me."

Gordie tried to comfort him as best he could for a while, then Chris told him to go back to sleep. When he was back in his sleeping bag for a few minutes, I got out of my own and went over to Chris, whose cheeks were still tear stained and his eyes puffy.

"Hey," he said, "what are you doing up?"

"Couldn't sleep, I've been up since my shift."

"You heard all that then?" I nodded slowly. "You probably think I'm a pussy don't you?"

"Shit no, man!" I said quickly and a little loudly. I looked quickly over to make sure the others weren't awake. "No way," I said more quietly. "God man, you gotta stop putting yourself down. You're the best guy out there I know and that's saying something. It doesn't matter what those fuckers think of you."

Chris gave a wet laugh, almost as if he was about to laugh and cry at the same time. He was still pretty upset, I could tell by the way he was sitting. I thought for a moment on how I could cheer him up. What was it that I could do that would cheer Chris Chambers up from this slum he was in? It would have to be good, real good.

"Hey, you bring your pocket knife with you?" I asked him suddenly.

"Yeah...it's in my bag," he said confused. "What do you—?" he started, but I put my finger to my lip to make him be quiet while I searched through his Boy Scout pack until I pulled out one of the few things good he got from his old man that he liked, a pocket knife in a leather case that he got for Christmas when he was nine.

Carefully, I searched through it for a second before I found the blade that was considerably sharp. Chris looked over my shoulder as I did this, a worried and curious glint in his eyes. I looked over at him and smiled mischievously while I held up my left hand, my writing hand.

Now where would be the best place to cut? If I cut on my wrist, I could cut the vein and that could be dangerous. If I cut my finger, I'd fuck up my fingerprints. If I cut my palm...I don't know, I guess my palm would be the best bet.

"Gimme your writing hand," I said and Chris put out his right hand. Swiftly, I pierced the tender skin of his calloused palm. He jumped slightly that I just deliberately stabbed his hand, but was still watching me curiously as I cut my own palm with the still bloody knife.

"What the fuck are you doing Collins?" he asked me quickly, but I just ignored him and grabbed his now bleeding hand and pressed our palms together. I don't know if it was working, I never did this before, but I had a feeling that I did it right.

"There. Now we're blood brothers, brothers and friends for life." I smirked at him while stared at his hand that, if we did it right, no had my own blood in his veins.

By now, the sun was starting to come up and it was Gordie's turn to take watch. I got into my bedroll, thinking I could sleep now, and Chris went to wake up Gordie. I was right, I was asleep within a few minutes.

During his shift, Gordie went off somewhere to do whatever it is that he likes when we're not around, or asleep. This freight woke us up a few hours later and he came over the tracks after it passed.

"Ready?" he asked and we all nodded, ready for the second half of our journey. I don't know how I knew it then, but I could tell we were pretty close to finding Ray's body, real close, I could almost taste it.

A lot of people would say I've been hanging with guys too long, but I was really looking forward to finding this body. I mean, sure I was scared, we all were, but this was really something that everyone has to go through before they become real adults. This would make my boys men, we'd be shedding our innocent molds and falling from that safe platform.


	5. Leeches and the Second Showdown

_**My Own Private Paradise**_

**Author**: hell's lil angel13

**Summary**:Before and after the journey to find Ray Brower, there was another one there. After their journey, what happens next? How did they change, how did they stay?

**Disclaimer**: see chapter one

**A/N:** Sorry this took a while to update, but I've had baseball practice everyday this week and its been taking its toll om me. But, here's the 5th chappie, enjoy!

**_Leeches and the Second Showdown_**

We all stopped on the tracks, staring down at the woods that were in front of us. "Gentlemen," Chris said and I cleared my throat loudly at him and he sighed exasperated, "and lady," he finished. "The Royal." We looked over at the river that was in front of us.

"Wow, the tracks go way out of the way," Teddy said looking over and seeing the tracks going all the way around the woods.

"Yeah, if we cut through the woods we'll be there in an hour," Chris said.

"Then let's go," I said at the same time as Vern said that we should stick to the tracks. Teddy agreed with me that we should cut through the woods. Yeah, I guess you could say I was just about as crazy as Teddy. Everyone else in town thought so, too.

"Gordie?"

"Yeah, let's go," he said and we started walking off the tracks to the woods. There was no worn path and we had to choose our steps carefully so we wouldn't get whacked in the face with prickery branches.

Vern started throwing another hissy fit. "I hate this short cut."

"I hate this shortcut," Teddy mocked and Vern fake punched him and he flinched.

"You flinched! Haha, two for flinching!" Vern said, happy that he finally got one over on Teddy. But, Teddy gave him two rabbit punches in the arm. "But, you flinched."

"I know, two for flinching." Teddy and me both laughed as we stopped in front of a swamp. It didn't look as swampy as others, it looked like we could swim in it, if it wasn't that deep.

Chris poked the ground with a stick and said, "Hey it's not that deep, we can walk across." So we all stepped into the water and we only walked a few steps before as one, we all fell under the water. I swear, it's scary how we can do the exact same thing at the same time. We don't practice it either!

Our heads broke the surface of the water and Vern complained, "Told you we should've stuck to the tracks." Then, he and Teddy had to start arguing, which led to them dunking each other, which Chris and I joined in on, too.

Gordie started to the other side of the shore, probably thinking that he could get away, yeah right. We dog piled on him, Vern trying to get him in a sleeper hold. "Hey Vern, there's something on your neck!"

"It's a leech!" Teddy said quickly and we jumped in surprise. Bloodsuckers, oh shit! "Leeches!" We jumped out of the water and started stripping off all our clothes, so yeah, I was standing there, in just my bra and under, in front of the quadruplet testosterites who were just standing there in their jockeys.

"Get 'em off, hurry!" we were all yelling and trying to get all of them off. Teddy had to get the ones on my back off me that I couldn't reach. There was even one crawling towards my nose, where it burst and my own blood started to run down to my mouth.

Just as we thought they were all gone, Gordie got a weird look on his face and looked into his underwear, where he found the big mother of them all, hanging right from his balls.

It burst in his hands and he fainted right there, which made us all jump over to see if he was okay. "Gordie! Gordie?" we were all saying and he started to stir. "You okay?" he nodded in answer to Chris' question and we moved away from the pond.

We were quiet the rest of the way until Gordie stopped and asked Teddy, "Is this the Back Harlow Road?"

"Yeah," Teddy said seriously.

"Alright, Teddy and Vern, you take the left side, we'll take the right," Chris said, his breath coming up short from the excitement we were all feeling. So, we walked on, keeping our eyes peeled for the kid's body.

"I see him, there he is, look, I see him, I see him!" Vern yelled excitedly at us and we rushed over to stand behind him. Chris was the first one to get there and pushed the branches away from his face and we saw his entire, dead, body.

Teddy, Vern, and I went to get some long branches while I knew Chris would talk to Gordie about Denny. Seeing Ray Brower's body shook Gordie a little. We were picking up some sticks when we heard the hard voice of Ace Merrill saying, "What the fuck do you know about this."

Eyeball followed with, "Son of a bitch! My little brother!" The three of us went back to Chris and Gordie to stand by them. Vern was the first to be scared away when his brother and the rest of the Cobras joined Ace and Eyeball. Teddy started smart-assing Billy and Charlie, and that was when Ace pulled the knife.

Teddy, for once in his life, knew that we needed to get out of here before we got seriously injured. "Okay Chamber you little faggot," Ace said, advancing on the remaining three of us. "You got two choices: you leave quietly and we take the body, or you stay, we beat the shit outta you, and we take the body. What do you say?"

"Why don't you go and fuck your mother some more?" Chris said boldly. Ace wasn't too happy about that comment and was about to bring his knife at Chris when I stepped forward.

"You know you wanna," I said, continuing Chris' thought. "And you know she wants you to, too."

"Alright, she gets to die first, then." Ace said and had his switchblade against my neck. Just as he was cutting into my skin, the most wonderful noise met my ears of Gordie shooting off Chris' father's gun into the air, which made Ace jump and give me a good cut on my collarbone.

"You're not taking him, no one is," Gordie said. I think it would have gone better had Ace not brought Denny into this. Gordie cocked the gun and said, "Suck my fat one, you cheap dime store hood." You know, looking back, if we hadn't been scared of that knife in Ace's hand, I would've laughed myself silly right there.

The Cobras retreated, promising they'd get us later, though. "Suck my fat one? Whoever told you, you had a fat one, _Lachance?_" Chris asked him. He smiled at the two of us and said, "Shawn would know. Biggest one in four counties." I would've loved nothing more than to feed him a knuckle sandwich right there, but I didn't. I let it slide, but just this once.

Teddy and Vern came back and we draped Chris' blanket over Ray's broken, lifeless body. We'd make an anonymous phone call to report Ray's body.

We walked back in silence until we made it back to Castle Rock just before five on Sunday. Twice, we had to scramble down embankment because of stupid freights driving by in the early morning!

While we were now older, mentally at least, we were still kids at the same time. Does that make any sense? No, didn't think so. We had just taken a fall from innocence, and once you jump, there's no rope to pull you back up.

We had seen a body of a dead kid. While we were never innocent before, we were even less innocent now. We had seen death with our own eyes, the last adventure and the final destroyer.


	6. Test of Friendship Third Showdown

_**My Own Private Paradise**_

**Author**: hell's lil angel13

**Summary**:Before and after the journey to find Ray Brower, there was another one there. After their journey, what happens next? How did they change, how did they stay the same?

**Disclaimer**: see chapter one

_**Test of Friendship**_

Ace and the rest of the Cobras promised they'd get us back, and they did. It was toward the end of September and they got all of us, and boy did they get us good. It was pretty good fight, though.

Gordie got his balls kicked, literally, and broke his nose and a couple fingers; Chris had to get a steel pin in his elbow 'cos of Eyeball breaking his arm in at least two places; Teddy tried to take on three guys without his glasses, needless to say he didn't get far; and Billy thought he killed Vern by whacking him in the head with a pot, but he only stunned him.

Me, I got it pretty bad too. You know that "rule" that says that you're not allowed to hit girls? Well, our gang doesn't go by it, they'll give me a good whack in the arm as much as the next guy, but they'd never actually hit me hard enough to hurt me.

Ace and Eyeball on the other hand, well...they were different. They probably would've killed me if they had the chance.

It was late in September and I was walking home from school late one day. I usually walk with Chris and Gordie, but Gordie had a detention—something about disrupting class or something—and Chris wasn't in school that day. I was scared his brother got him good, but I found out later he was just playing truant again.

I stayed after to play some football with a couple of other guys, all wet ends from the View who only passed the ball to me twice, both time of which I scored a touchdown. So I was walking back home and I was taking a back road—yeah, not a very good idea on my part—and was just passing the pool hall when the door opened and Ace and Eyeball walked out.

"Shit," I whispered when I saw who it was and noticed they were looking at me. Then, I did the first thing anyone in my situation would've done: RUN!! Now, I'm a pretty fast runner and I can do pretty good distances, too, but like I said before, I'm short. And the two tallest Cobras had to be the ones to come after me. Yeah, I know, just my luck, huh?

They caught me at the end of the alley I cut down and I gulped when they cornered me against the wall. I learned that day that Ace wasn't one to chat first; he was action first, talk later. I didn't have much time to react before he brought me down to the ground and Eyeball pulled out a cigarette lighter, which he handed to Ace.

I'll spare you the gory details of the whole thing, since I really don't wanna have to relive it. But, I'll tell you this much. I got second degree burns on my face and first degree burns all over my arms. I never did get to wear that shirt again, which was a shame, it was Teddy's and I really liked it.

I think I would've gotten it a lot worse if Chris hadn't shown up then. That was when Eyeball gave him his beating while Ace decided to give me a break, literally, on my wrist. It wasn't bad, but I still couldn't do much for a few weeks.

I tried to kick Ace in what little family jewels he may have had, mostly for revenge for Gordie, but I missed and got his shin instead. He and Eyeball left after that and I helped Chris up, gently. "You gotta get to the hospital dude."

"Nah, nah, its fine, I'm—"

"Chris. Hospital. Now." It was always funny how when I was worried or mad, I could never talk in complete sentences. We both got down to the hospital later that night, but neither of us told the doctors what really happened. Chris fell down the stairs in the dark; I slipped in my kitchen and hit the hot stove (you know, there's really not many good, plausible excuses for getting a burnt face).

I never asked Chris how he decided to go to the alley that day and at that time, but I will always be grateful that he did. I don't know, it's just something about Chris and Gordie that made me know that, even with a broke wrist and probably faint burn scars on my face, I still loved to be all around the danger and adventure they brought into my life.

* * *

The assignment was to write a thousand or more word essay on a memory we had about our childhood. Mine was over 45,000, but I could've added so much more. I felt that I hadn't done anything justice in my writing. There was so much that happened to us, why couldn't I just get it down on my paper? I'll tell you why; it's because of this and this alone.

When you tell something like our adventure to people who weren't there, it diminishes the true meaning and feeling of all that we went through. Words shrink things that seemed larger than life to something that was so shitty and nothingness. They live too close to our secret hearts and people would like nothing more than to take the first chance they get to invade that secret heart of yours.

To tell you the truth, I really don't know what made me write about that particular summer, the one where so much happened, but it was the one that stuck out most in my mind when my English teacher, Mr. Jolanson, gave us the assignment. Gordie also wrote about it and Chris too, so it was kinda cool to hear all of our thoughts on the same subject.

It was 1960 now and towards the end of seventh grade now. Sad to say, I know, but we saw less and less of Teddy and Vern since seventh grade started. Gordie said that things like that happen all the time, just another part of growing up, I guess. But, me and Chris and Gordie were still tight together, just like it always has been, and just like it always will be.

While we didn't see much of Teddy and Vern, the five of us were still tightly banned together on my birthday, which was November 13th. As Teddy was happy to remind me, I turned thirteen on Friday the Thirteenth. The next day, since it was Saturday, I decided to sleep in a little.

I woke up late that morning and decided to make myself a breakfast of banana pancakes. They weren't as good as Coach made them, but I still think they were good. As usual, I drowned them in syrup; boy would Chris be mad at me! I always ended up going on a sugar high after too much syrup on my pancakes.

I was just finishing up when the door slammed open and all four of them ran into the kitchen, carrying gifts for me and singing, quite badly might I add, Happy Birthday to me.

"...happy birthday dear Shawn, happy birthday to you!!" they yelled at me, leaving me laughing at them. Then Teddy stopped a second and said, "Do I smell pancakes?"

"Yeah, help yourself," I said, but then stopped him before he could reach for a plate. "_After_ you gimme my presents." I dragged them into the living room and plopped down on the couch with Chris and Teddy. Vern sat on a chair and Gordie plopped himself on my coffee table.

I was surprised. Usually, they all got me one or two presents, this time they all got me something. "Open this first," Gordie said and gave me his present. There was a hand-made, folded up card taped on the side. I took it off and opened it. It wasn't a card after all, but it made me smile even wider anyway. It was a hand-written copy of Gordie's story he told us at the camp-out. _The Revenge of Lard Ass__ by Gordon Lachance._ I smiled at it as I remembered him telling us the story the month before.

I threw the tissue paper at him from the bag and pulled out two of the greatest things I could've gotten with money. The number nine jersey, the one my man Ted Williams wore for the Sox, and an original Bosox hat!

"Gordie, I love you," I said to him, making him blush a little. I put the hat on backwards, just like I wore all my other hats, and made a grab for Vern's gift. It was a stuffed golden retriever that, oddly enough, looked a lot like Chopper. "Aww, Vern, its Chopper Jr. Thank you!"

I reached for Chris', but he swatted him hand away and told me that his was saved for last. I stuck my tongue out at him and reached for Teddy's. It was a small box, like the ones that jewelry comes in. I opened it and gasped happily. It was a dog tag necklace, just like the one he always wears, and the one I always steal from him. It had my name on the front and on the back it said, 'Happy birthday, love Teddy.' I put the necklace on, too, a goofy grin, complete with my tongue out, plastered on my face.

"Now can I open yours your majesty?" I asked Chris and he nodded, handing me the box. It was kinda light and I shook it before I opened it, but I couldn't figure out what it was.

"Hold up!" he yelled suddenly and I stopped. "If you don't like this, I can't return it, so you better like it...I lost the receipt." I laughed and started opening it again. I didn't know what it was until I held it up in front on me, and I nearly choked on my own spit.

"Chris! Christopher, you little fucker, oh, I love you man!" I yelled and gave him a hug while I held up my present. It was his old leather jacket that he always wore, with a patch of a dragon fighting with a tiger on the back and the words, 'DRAGONS, '57 CHAMPIONS.' That was his favorite jacket, but it didn't fit him anymore.

How awesome are my friends, right?


	7. New Beginnings

_**My Own Private Paradise**_

**Author**: hell's lil angel13

**Summary**:Before and after the journey to find Ray Brower, there was another one there. After their journey, what happens next? How did they change, how did they stay the same?

**Disclaimer**:see chapter one

_**New Beginnings**_

So it was towards the end of the seventh grade and Gordie, Chris, and I were walking to my place. My dad would be home a little while after he got back from work and we had homework to do...and food to eat out of my fridge.

"Race ya?" I asked the two of them when we got onto my street. It was still really hot out and the two of them were looking like they really didn't want to. "Come on, it's not that far, please?" I said and they nodded.

I started out fast and was in the lead. I could hear Chris and Gordie right behind me, but I was too busy laughing and running to really know what else was going on all around me. Well, I looked behind me to see Chris and Gordie nearly on top of me and, before I could do anything, we were all lying in a dog pile on my front yard, laughing so hard we couldn't breathe. I was holding my sides and nearly crying I was laughing so hard, when a shadow crossed over all of us.

I looked up, around Gordie's shoulder since he and Chris were still lying on me, to see a tall blonde figure with dark brown eyes and her hands on her hips, flour all over her apron. "Mama!" I squeaked out and quickly pushed the two guys off me and stood up. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to talk to your father, where is he?" she said quickly to me. I told her he was at work still and would be home later. Then I asked her what she needed to talk to him about, but I was pretty sure I already knew and I was dreading the answer. "I need to talk to him about adult stuff, don't worry about it. Now what were you doing?"

"Er...racing home from school...with Chris and Gordie," I said awkwardly, pointing over at the guys who stood just as awkwardly behind me a little while I talked to my mama. I hadn't seen her in over three years and suddenly she was just showing up at my doorstep? Erm...okay, can someone sat creepy? CREEPY!

"Well, I need to stay here until your father gets home. I think you should change and do your homework, shouldn't you?"

"Um...yeah, sure. Bye..." I was so confused as to why my mama would suddenly show up at my door unexpectedly like this that I couldn't form complete sentences really. And the fact that she was ordering me around, too. Who did she think she was anyway? If she thought she could order me around just because she was my mama she was dead wrong! She stopped being able to tell me what to do when she left us.

I nodded my head at Chris and Gordie to follow me inside so we could do our homework in my room. When we got up there, I heard the door open and close again downstairs, then some noise in the kitchen.

"That's your mama? I thought she died," Chris said from his place where he was lying on my bed. I looked at him strangely and said, "I never told you my mama died, what made you think she was dead?"

"Well, you never talked about, I guess we just assumed she died or something," Gordie cut in. That was true, I never really did talk about her, it was kinda a touchy subject, her leaving when I was so little and all. I just shrugged and dumped all my junk on my floor before flinging myself into a big beanbag on the floor.

We were quiet for a few moments, I was listening for noise that could tell me what Mama might be doing downstairs in the kitchen. Suddenly, I just burst out with, "Who does she think she is, bargin into my town like this! And I know she wants to talk to Coach about something that has to do with me! 'Shannon should come live with me in California' or Chicago or Atlanta or wherever the hell it is she lives now! 'It'll be so much better for her upbringing.' That's just what she'll say 'cos that's exactly what she thinks and she's dead wrong!" I ranted to them. After I said that, I rammed by right hand, my slightly deformed and weaker hand, staright into my wall.

Wait, I haven't told you anything about that accident yet, have I? I didn't, you're right, sorry bout that, my mouth operates faster than my brain, gotta be careful of that, always. So you're probably going, 'What are you talking about? Deformed hand? Huh, what?' Yeah, you know you are, don't try to deny it.

See, until I was about eight, I had an older brother. Note that the key word in that sentence is had. He was a year older than me, so he was nine when it happened. We had only been living in Castle Rock for a few years I think. See, one day I was playing in a soccer game for the town and it was half-time. I was sitting there, trying to get my spikes tied, when my coach, Mr. B, came up to me and said that Coach (as in my daddy) was here and needed to see me, it was extremely urgent.

The first thought to cross my mind was the right one; who died? My older brother, named Nate, was also the first to cross my mind. He had been battling Leukemia for a few months and I was always so scared I'd go into his room one day and he wouldn't wake up.

I found Coach at the other end of the field, a mournful look on his face. He barely even opened his mouth before I knew what he was going to say; my brother Nate was dead. He took me home and I stayed in the garage for a few minutes, just standing in the middle of the garage, not really realizing what I was doing or where I was.

Then, I just totally snapped. I don't know what came over me, but I just exploded at the thought that I was now an only child. There were six windows and a glass door in the garage. Well, after my exploding period, they weren't there anymore. I punched every single window out there in less than three minutes. My entire hand was bloody and there were shards of glass all over me. Glass was all over the floor, too.

Coach heard me screaming and swearing and crying and came out to see what was going on. He stopped me and then brought me into the bathroom where he pulled all the glass out of my knuckles and my right hand.

The glass cut so deep that I could actually see tendons and muscles from my hand. Then, he wrapped my hand, called Mama, and drove me to the hospital where she met up with us.

I got my hand stitched up good, but the doc said that I'll never be able to use that hand as well ever again. But you know what? I didn't care; it felt so good to get all that anger away from me.

That was just the long-term affects; scars and limited mobility. But I also had to go through therapy to see what made me do it—they never got much outta me—and PT for my hand. That was what started Mama coming back every once in a while to check up on me and always trying to tell Coach that it would be better if I came to live with her. Obviously she doesn't care what I think about the whole situation.

So, yeah, that's why I can't use my right hand as well as most people can. But, I can still catch and throw better than any guy and that's all I really care about. Gordie grabbed my arm to stop me from punching the wall again. Damn him for knowing me too well!

"Stop it," Gordie yelled at me and pushed me onto the bed, where I landed right on Chris' bony ankle. "You want your mama to hear you punching the wall? I don't think that'll help your case of being able to stay here." I froze and looked at him; I never thought about that before. "Alright, now let's just stay up here until your pop gets home, okay?"

Me and Chris both nodded in agreement and we both pulled out of homework to start. You know what I hate more than Ace and Eyeball and the rest of the Cobras? It ain't much, but there is a few things. And they're both in my house right now: my mama making surprise visits; and homework.

Gordie was lying on the floor, writing a new portion of a book that he was working in when he looked up and said, "Hey Chris, if you had to choose, ass or tits?"

"On me?" Chris asked him surprised and Gordie shook his head. "On a girl? Um...yeah I'd have to say tits. Like Annette's..." He started to get this dreamy look on his face when he started to think about Annette's tits. I rolled my eyes and threw one of my stuffed animals at him.

"You know guys, sometimes, there's a girl attached to the tits."

"Shawn, shh! You're ruining it!" Chris said and threw the stuffed elephant back at me.

"Just because you don't have any—" Gordie started, but I cut him off with, "And how would you know this?"

"I know 'cos Teddy tol—" he started, but I held up my hand to make him stop. I heard something downstairs that sounded like a door opening. A few seconds later, I heard Coach yelling up the stairs and saying hi.

"Shh," I said to them and went to the balcony to listen to what my parents would say to each other. Chris and Gordie came out after me and got on all fours on either side of me. What we heard next from them would ring in my ears for hours later.

**A/N**: Haha, cliffy! Don't worry, I have the next few chaps finished already, that's why it took me so long to update, I wanted to finish a few instead of just 1 at a time. Hope you liked this one, r&r! O, and happy memorial day! horray for no school!


	8. Choices We Make

_**My Own Private Paradise**_

**Author**: hell's lil angel13

**Summary**:Before and after the journey to find Ray Brower, there was another one there. After their journey, what happens next? How did they change, how did they stay the same?

**Disclaimer**:See chap. one

_**Choices We Will Make**_

"Shannon needs to learn how to be a good wife and mother, Neil! She won't learn any of that if she's roughhousing with boys everyday. She needs female guidance in her life," I heard my mama say.

"Well she would've had 'female guidance' if you had been here for her and me!" Coach countered back at her.

"Don't try to place the blame on me, Neil Collins! You refused to let her come with me for years."

"She didn't want to go! She wanted to stay here with me and her friends; I never forced her to do anything!"

"If she had a woman in the house with her, she may still be able to use her hand properly! No girls in Brooklyn have hands like that!"

"And how else should she have handled it, Mary? Her brother was dead, what would you have done?"

"I would have handled it differently! Now I think that when I go back to Brooklyn that Shannon should come with me. I am her mother and she needs me now, she's growing up! You're never home and she can't just be left alone all the time."

"She's not alone; Chris and Gordie are always here with her." I smiled at them at this and they grinned back at me.

"Oh, that makes me feel so much better! Neil, they're thirteen years old, do you have any idea what they could be doing while you're gone?"

"Are you accusing Shawn and her friends of having sex when I'm at conferences?" Coach yelled and all three of us had identical disgusted looks on our faces, and I was pretty sure Coach did, too.

"You never know Neil. Now, Shawn is coming with me to Brooklyn when I go back," Mama said and I heard the worst thing come out of Coach's mouth after that:

he sighed and said, "Alright...I can't argue any more, you're right." I heard him starting towards the stairs, so we scrambled back into my room and made it look like we had been in there the whole time and heard nothing at all. "I know you three were listening," Coach said when he opened the door to my room and looked right at me.

I nodded and gave him a hard, blazing look before I said, "Don't make me go Daddy. I don't wanna go to Brooklyn, I wanna stay here, with you and all my friends and my school."

"I know you do sweetheart. It won't be forever, alright. Just stay there for...well, you have to gut it out for the school year, b—"

"A year!" I screamed at him, jumping off my bed onto my floor very ungracefully. "No, I won't go, I refuse! No way in hell, no, no, no!"

"Shawn, you have no choice. She's your mother; she has the right to see you whenever she wants. It'll go by faster than you think, alright?"

"Yeah, 'cos I'll be with all those Yankee-lovin, Evil Empire asshole jackasses day after day. Great, just goddamn great!"

"I don't want to hear that tone young lady!" my dad suddenly scolded me as he went towards my closet. He pulled out a few suitcases and told me to start packing. "Your mama's leaving tomorrow."

"TOMORROW! No, Daddy, I—" I tried to say, but I knew nothing would work. So I just nodded and started to get ready. I looked sadly at my two best friends, who both looked like they wanted to say something, but nothing would come out. Coach left and I started packing everything into the suitcases.

"You'll write to us, right?" Gordie asked me and I nodded. "As long as you write to me, too," I said to him.

I was all packed late that night. I wanted Gordie and Chris to stay the night, but I knew that if I asked, Mama would kill me and then give Coach those_ I knew it_ and _I told you so_ looks. So, I hugged them both goodbye and they promised to come and see me tomorrow before I left.

I packed my gifts they had just given me on top, but put Chris' jean jacket on the end of my bed so I could wear it the next day when I left. When I go to school with all those pussies in Brooklyn, they'll know me by the jacket, 'cos I'll be wearing it every day, I can tell you that much!

I got no sleep that night because I knew that after tomorrow, I'd never see Chris and Gordie again...or at least it would feel like forever until I did see them again.

But, they came to see me before I left the next day. Mama was putting all of our stuff into the trunk of her '53 Buick that I was going to be forced to ride in for hours upon hours before we got to..._New York_. I shudder just thinking about it.

"So," I said to the two of them just before I left, "who's gonna take the blame if I ever do anything stupid to one of the teachers? And who's gonna help me fill the entire school with peanut butter and jelly?"

Chris and Gordie were able to smile a little bit, then Gordie said, "Could you at least try to be good while you're gone...maybe then you can come back early?"

"No, I can't do that," I said to them and hugged them both one more time. I turned away from them so they wouldn't see me cry. I was Shawn, Shawn Collins never cried, not even in front of Chris and Gordie! "I'll miss you both so much...you won't replace me with some other bitch or skank from up on the View, will you?"

"Never Shawn, no one can replace you," Chris said to me.

"No matter how tall, blonde, curvy, or stuffed she is?" I asked quickly and they paused a moment to think about that. I smacked them both and we laughed together one last time.

"Come on now Shawn, we have a long drive ahead of us," mama called and I got in the car with her. I stuck my head out of the window and waved to Chris and Gordie until they were completely out of sight. Then, I just sat back down and stared out the window. I already felt so goddamn alone.

We drove for over three hours from Maine to New York City and I stayed quiet the entire time, pretending I didn't even notice Mama. I have no idea if she said anything to me the entire time; if she did, I wasn't listening.

"Shawn, this is our street," Mama said to me and I looked at the street. Every house looked exactly alike and it reminded me of the houses from up on the View. Probably had the same types of snobs and assholes here, too. "Now, I want you to meet your aunt and cousin who live here, too. Do you remember your aunt Connie and Amberlee?"

"No," I said when we started to get out.

"Well, Amberlee is your age and she can show you around town and school, have you meet her friends. You two will like each other, I know it." Yeah, okay mama, and pigs fly! I got my stuff out of the trunk and looked at the house we were parked in front of. It was way bigger than my house and I didn't like the uninviting appeal this one had to it. As I was looking at the third-story windows, the front door opened and a woman who looked a lot like Mama, but her hair was graying and she may have been a bit taller, and a girl who couldn't have looked more different than me stepped onto the porch. It had to be Cousin Amberlee.

Amberlee had waist-length bleach-blonde curls and big blue eyes. Her jeans were sprayed on, the tank top she was wearing looked like it couldn't even fit a seven-year-old boy and she definitely didn't have the tits of a boy. Aww man, I'm degrading my own sex...I spent too much time with the guys. God, I haven't seen them for three hours and I already miss the hell outta them.

Me, my brown hair was short, my eyes were dark, and I was dressed in boys' jeans, an army-green t-shirt, and Chris' jacket.

"Shannon?" she asked with a California, valley-girl accent and I nodded. "Ooh, we are going to have ­­soooooo much fun this year! Don't worry, you won't have to go back to Boulder Mansion or wherever it is you come from."

"Castle Rock," I grumbled at her and walked behind her as she led me inside to show me my room, which was on the third floor. So much for making some sort of escape if I wanted to get back to Castle Rock. It was even worse than I imagined it, though.

She opened the door and I walked in, I felt like I was in some sort of horror movie. The walls, ceiling, and rug were all hot pink. There was a vanity mirror with a poufy skirt on it. There were dolls and Barbies everywhere. My bed was light pink and had a skirt on it. I really felt like I was gonna barf, sincerely I was.

"Isn't it great?" Amberlee asked me and I just faked a grin and nodded. "I'm right next door if you need me. Hey, we should totally go shopping later, you want to?"

"Uh...sure," I said, pretending to be excited.

"Hey, what happened there on your neck?" she asked me and pointed to the scar on my neck where Ace cut me at Ray Brower's body. Was it really over a year ago that that happened? It feels like it only happened a few days ago. That would just be another thing for mama to hold against me. But, she doesn't know, and we're gonna keep it that way.

"Oh...a cat scratched me last year," I lied quickly and she shrugged. I knew she didn't care, she just wanted to pry into my personal business. Then, she left and I stod alone in the room, wishing I was anywhere but here, with Chris and Gordie. I threw myself onto the bed and closed my eyes. I just wanted this nightmare to be over. Little did I know it was just beginning.


	9. Fire and Ice

_**My Own Private Paradise**_

**Author**: hell's lil angel13

**Summary**:Before and after the journey to find Ray Brower, there was another one there. After their journey, what happens next? How did they change, how did they stay the same?

**Disclaimer**:see chapter one

**A/N**: Hey everyone! Sorry bout not updating in a while. But, there were finals going on, then I had camp and then I went on vacation with my family, then with my friend and her family. But, I'm back now, yay, you should be happy! Um, here's the shopping scene and just so you know, I'm not from New York and haven't been to this part of New York ever, so the street names, stores, etc. are all just random names.

**_Fire and Ice_**

It was a few hours later and I was working on a letter to Chris and Gordie when Amberlee came into my room. At this point, it was after lunch and I swear this was the fifth outfit I'd seen her in, in only a few hours. She started to run her fingers through her long hair and said, "Come on, I want you to meet my friends, then we can go shopping." I nodded and put down my letter on the bed and followed Amberlee out the door to the living room. On the couch were two other girls who looked about our age.

Did you ever notice that whenever you watch movies that have a group of three best girlfriends, they always seem to have a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead? Yeah, Amberlee and her friends are no exception.

The brunette and the redhead were watching TV when we walked down the stairs and looked like they were snacking on a plate of raw vegetables. What were these chicks, rabbits? Who eats raw vegetables as snacks? God, I'll never get used to New Yorkers.

Amberlee, in her always annoying and perky voice said, "Guys, this is my cousin, Shannon Collins. She's here from Boulder Mansion, in Maine."

"Its Castle Rock, actually," I corrected my cousin quietly, but she either ignored me or didn't hear it.

"Shannon, these are my friends. That's Julie and Brie Baker. Okay, let's go," she said and pulled me by my wrist out the door, with her friends following us. So, the two were twins...wonder how Chris and Gordie would feel if they met them?

Ah, why did I just say that? Man, I am sincerely turning into a guy everyday.

Brie, the redhead, was a bit nicer to me than her sister, but that didn't stop her from being just like the kids from up on the View from where I come from. They were nice about asking me about Castle Rock and that kind of stuff, if I missed it, what my friends were like, but I could tell that they were only doing it to make fun of me.

We walked into a shop in town called Madeline's Boutique which smelled like every perfume known to man, As soon as I walked in, I almost passed out from the fumes. The three other girls walked into the shop and looked at everything around them as if they owned the place. Hey, did you notice that everyone uses that line, 'as if they owned the place'? Why do so many people do that, what's so great about it? Again, something else I'll never understand.

Anywho, I walked around the store a few times, looking as if I wanted to buy something but just didn't see anything I could afford or that was in my size. Actually, I was thinking of a way to get back to Castle Rock. I knew I would never be able to gut out an entire school year without Chris and Gordie.

"Shannon! Shannon, come here for a minute," I heard Amberlee calling me and I walked over to her. She was by a rack of clothing that looked like it would've cost more than Chris' entire house. "What do you think about this? I think you would look great in it." She was holding up a black dress that could've been a really short prom dress. It was a halter dress and covered in sequins and jewels and had a matching scarf to go with it.

"Uh, no thanks Amberlee," I said, faking a saddish voice. I'd never wear something like that, but I wouldn't tell her that.

"Why, you'd look so great in it," she insisted. But I shook my head.

"That would cost me two years' worth of allowance where I come from," I said, glancing at the tag for the first time. Yeah, like I could ever afford something like that in my life.

"Honey, this is Brooklyn now, price really doesn't matter for style."

"Sorry cuz, I'm just used to what I was taught. But, when does school start around here?" I asked her and she told me it started in a week. Chris and Gordie didn't start for three weeks and I start next week? How unfair is that? I walked away again and started to fake look around again. I was bored and lonely as hell.

We walked to another store down the street called Sally's Hair and Nail Care. It smelled of nail polish remover and hair spray to the extreme. I can't stand that smell, never could, and it was excruciating in my nose then.

"Brie and Julie are both getting their nails done for the start of school. It won't take long," my cousin told me and dragged me down an aisle in the back of the shop. We were near some hair dyes and hair bands. To tell you the truth, they weren't that bad. I was looking at this vibrantly bright lime green and orange dyes that I had a good feeling would annoy the shit outta my mama...hmmm...

"Alright, listen, Shan," Amberlee said quickly and I jerked my head around to look at her. "I'm trying to be nice here, but you need to listen good here, now. You're my cousin and word is going to get around at school fast. If you don't pull your act together fast, you'll be sorry once school starts."

"That a threat?" I challenged her.

"No, it's not yet. But, it will be if you don't listen a little better," she said. She really doesn't know who she's messing with, does she?

"And if I don't?" I asked sweetly.

"Then you'll learn a whole new meaning of a living hell," she said. I grew up with Chris Chambers as my best friend; I think I had a pretty good idea of what living hell was all about. But, again, I didn't tell my cousin that.

I bought the hair dyes, with the other three girls giving me disgusted looks the entire time. Good, maybe they'll leave me alone now.

They wanted to go into a perfume store next. That's when I faked sick and told them I wanted to go back home. So, I left them and went back to Mama's house and started to work on my letter to Chris and Gordie again. I decided to leave out the half-threat that my cousin gave to me. I didn't wanna worry them over something that small.

But, I said how I missed them a lot and I couldn't wait to come home. I hoped to somehow get away from here during Christmas or something like that to see Daddy and them, but I don't know how I'd be able to do that. I told them to write back to me soon and keep me posted on everything.

I put the letter in the mailbox immediately and then went back into my room. I wanted to stay up and think over some things, but my mind said otherwise. I fell asleep soon and didn't wake up until the middle of the night. I guess no one in the house cared to wake me up for supper.

I was wide awake then. The moon was bright and the few stars that I could see in the sky were dotting here and there around the moon. I walked to my window, wishing I'd been woken up by the familiar tap of Gordie or Chris, asking me if they could stay the night or if I wanted to go for a night swim or hang out in the tree house for a while.

I opened it to let the cool, night air blow onto my face for a few minutes. It felt good on my hot face as it pushed my hair back from my forehead.

There was a big apple tree right outside my window. I think it was the only tree I had seen in New York since I got here. One tree, how do kids build their tree houses around here? Man, New Yorkers are just weirder than shit.

I looked up and, as if on autopilot, I climbed out the window, onto the tree branch and up to the roof. The shingles were uneven and splintery under my bare feet, but I didn't mind. I climbed up to the top of the roof and sat down with my back against the window to the attic. It was actually pretty comfortable, and it felt nice to be here, just by myself. I looked up at the stars and sighed. I always liked the stars, and in Castle Rock, you could see so many of them, all the constellations and the shapes they took. I didn't know too much about them, but I like to look at them all the time.

I don't know how long I was sitting up on the roof, but I jumped off after I had been sitting there for a while and landed in a pricker bush...yeah, jumping off the roof was not one of my best ideas. But, I got up quickly and just started running. This was Brooklyn, this was New York City, and it was night. The entire place was open to me.

I had no idea where I was going, but I just let my legs take me. They seemed to know exactly where they were going and I didn't argue.

Running was like the ultimate high. There was just something about it that made it so...I don't know, I'm Gordie and I can't describe everything with words...but running just felt right to me. Then, it ended and I stopped. I held onto my knees to catch my breath a moment, then looked up to see where I was. I was at a train station, and it was still open.

I cocked my head to one side and just looked at it for a minute. I guess this was as good of a place as any to run to, I mean where else would a kid go if they wanted to run away? So, I walked in to see what was inside.

It wasn't much. Not many people were there, as they must've liked to ride on trains in the day, when it's safer. There was a rack for brochures and the train schedules. I walked up to it and took one. It could come in handy later on. I felt weird in there, though, so I decided to leave and go back home. I could get a few more hours of sleep.


	10. Chicken Soup Syndrome

_**My Own Private Paradise**_

**Author**: hell's lil angel13

**Summary**:Before and after the journey to find Ray Brower, there was another one there. After their journey, what happens next? How did they change, how did they stay the same?

**Disclaimer**: see chapter one

**A/N**: Hey, its done, I'm finished wth the story! No, this is not the last chappie, but I finished typing the story on my computer, so updates will be quick now. This one is short, though, sorry, but it has everything it needs, just short. Oh, and happy 4ht of july to all the americans out there! Since its the birth of our country, and my friend Joe would've been sixteen today, so I'd like to update this and make an extra dedication to him.

**Special Dedication**: Happy sixteenth birthday Joe! May you rest in peace!

**_Chicken Soup Syndrome_**

Have I ever mentioned before how I hate school? I haven't...well, maybe that's 'cause I never really minded it before. Aside from girls'-only gym, it was alright. I slacked off and just barely got by and I got to see Chris and Gordie all the time, then hang out with them after school. But here?

First off, I have to wear a uniform! Yeah, uniforms at a public school. I never thought that would be legal, but I guess it is. I have to wear a plaid dress, a white blouse, and some sort of weird tie thing that Mama ties for me. Then, I have to wear dress shoes and two ribbons in my hair. I hate it! That's the understatement of the century.

I got in trouble on the first day for my hair dye. And for other things, too. I wasn't allowed to wear my hair in a ponytail, it had to be in pigtails or braids. I was late for some classes, the nuns (yeah, not teachers, nuns!) were as strict as can be and yelled at me for talking too much or answering a question wrong. They kinda scared me, so I just shut up throughout all my classes.

I had to share a locker with a girl with a tattoo and a nose ring. I always wondered...if someone has a nose ring and needs to blow their nose, do they need to cover that hole, too? I didn't ask her, though...I kinda enjoy living with all my limbs in tact.

Sorry, that was random. Anyway, at lunch, I didn't know anyone and I ended up eating alone for the first week. I haven't made any friends, its just too weird around here, I feel so outta place. Chris wishes he could go someplace where nobody knows him, and I can see why, but this is very lonely.

I got so many detentions, after school during lunch, before school, and on Saturdays. I got suspended twice for fighting and got sent to the principal countless times. They knew I was skipping school half the time. They promised me that if I skipped or did anything bad one more time, I'd be expelled.

So, on Thursday for that week, I skived off school, for the day. I had been going to Brooklyn schools for six months, man, and I needed out, now! I went to the train station again and walked in. It was busy, but not packed. I found a seat in the corner and sat down, putting my bag down under my chair.

"That's a nice jacket," a voice said to me and I jumped. I looked up to see a boy around my age standing in front of me. His hair was greasy and his jeans and t-shirt were ripped and dirty. But, he was smiling at me and looked nice enough.

"Thanks," I said, unconsciously hugging it to me. It was Chris' jean jacket, of course.

"But that hat, could get you in a lot of trouble around here," he said and sat down in the empty seat next to me. "A Red Sox hat in Brooklyn, you're not from around here, are you?"

"No, I'm just visiting for a while."

"So, you're going somewhere now?" he asked me, but the way he asked me...it was almost as if he was telling me and not asking me. I looked at him with a confused look on my face. He laughed and said, "You can't be older than thirteen and it's a school day. You're wearing a jacket that's too warm for the weather outside, and you have a bag with you."

"What's your point?"

"You have to be going somewhere. And running away at that. Trust me, this is the best way to go if you're running away," he said bluntly, as if he were an expert at it. "What's your name?"

"Shawn, Shawn Collins," I said, still looking at him from what he said about running away from home.

"Well Shawn, I'm Toby Wilson. So where you heading?" he asked me as he reached out his hand, which I shook.

"Nowhere really," I answered truthfully. "You from around here?"

"No, not really. I'm from everywhere," he said vaguely and I gave him a strange look again. He noticed and added, "I travel around a lot. I'm from upstate Connecticut, though."

"Is there any reason why you move around a lot?" I asked, but he just tapped his nose twice and looked away. I rolled my eyes. "So where are you heading?"

"Ohio, to see some friends," he said, which made me think of Castle Rock and Gordie and Chris. "Lana!" Toby suddenly yelled and a girl came walking over to us. She looked around my age, too.

"Train leaves in ten, we need—" she said and then noticed me. She looked me over a little and then said, "Is he harassing you?"

"No, we're just talking."

"Where you running to?" she asked me and I felt a little funny. Did I really look like I was running away? I wish I was running away, but I'm really not.

"Nowhere, just staying here for a while, visiting relatives," I said and she nodded, although she looked like she didn't believe me.

"What's the matter, got the chicken soup syndrome or something?" she asked me. The what? What the fuck is Chicken Soup Syndrome?

"Huh?" was all I could say and Lana and Toby both laughed heartily. Man did I feel stupid right there.

"Chicken Soup Syndrome. What every kid has once in a while. It means they wanna leave, but then try and think differently. Its perfectly normal, some people just learn to ignore it and don't get it anymore. This your first time?" Lana asked me and I nodded.

"Don't worry, it'll go away," Toby said, patting me on the back. I looked around and then at the big sign that had all the train times. None today were going anywhere near Castle Rock, but there was one going to Portland in two days. If I caught that one...

"What you looking at?" Lana pulled me out of my thoughts by asking me.

"Train to Portland on Saturday," I said to her.

"That where you wanna go?"

"I live near there," I said and got up, picking up my bag. "Good luck wherever you're going, I gotta go."

"Hey!" Toby yelled after me and I turned around to look at him. "If you ever get stuck, just remember that running and chasing works wonders." He winked at me and I turned and left. I knew exactly what he meant, but I just hoped I wouldn't have to use it.

For the next few days that I stayed with Mama and Amberlee, I acted completely normal, they never suspected a thing. So, early Saturday morning, before anyone else woke up, I got up and packed as much things as I could in my bag and stole out the window.

I made it to the train station and sat in the corner again. I didn't write anything even close to this to Chris or Gordie, so they have no idea I'm coming home three months early.

Soon, they called the ride to Portland and I got up and started walking, but made it look like I was going for a milkshake. I didn't have enough money for a ticket, so I'd have to hop on the train.

I looked for the train conductors, and they were surrounding the train. Shit, that means I'd have to hop the boxcars, the very thing I was afraid of. But, I'd have to unless I wanted to be expelled from school.

I waited, my heart pounding in my throat and sweat forming around my nose and neck. Yeah, I was nervous. But, I let the fact that I would be home again soon stay in the front of my mind and it helped a little.

The conductors left their posts and the train started to move. I started to race after it from behind so no one would see me who shouldn't. There was a boxcar, I needed to get to it. But, the train was gaining speed every second and I still couldn't reach.

I threw off my bag and got it into the boxcar. Less weight on my back meant I could run a little faster, but the train was still gaining speed. I was afraid I wasn't gonna make it, but just then, I was able to grab onto the metal bar and swing myself into the empty boxcar. It was a thrill man, a real thrill to hop a freight. And now all I needed to do was enjoy the ride. I kinda wished I had some music or something to listen to, but all in all, it was good.


	11. Back Home

My Own Private Paradise

**Author**: Hell's lil angel13

**Summary**: Before and after the journey to find Ray Brower, there was another one there. After their journey, what happens next? How did they change, how did they stay the same?

**Disclaimer**: see chapter one

**_Back Home_**

I stayed alert and ready for anything and everything the whole ride. It wasn't a long ride, but I knew what I had to do soon. I wasn't gonna go all the way to Portland. We'd be going right through Harlow, the same place where Ray Brower died just two years ago. I'd do something only two people would ever do: me and Teddy Duchamp. I'd jump.

It was getting dark when the train made it to Harlow. I waited until we were close to the Harlow/Castle Rock border and got my pack on. I looked towards the front. I noticed the bridge up in front of us. I had to jump before it unless I wanted a repeat of what Gordie and Vern did. No thanks, I'm alright.

We were on level ground and it was now or never. I walked to the very edge and looked down. The ground was whooshing past a lightning-fast speeds, and I was gonna fly onto it. I love you Daddy, I love you all my friends and family, I know I'm not the greatest kid you coulda had, but if I survive, I promise I'll...aw, the hell with it!

I jumped and rolled down the slight hill and landed in a heap. I waited for the noise of the train to completely leave before I got up. I was sore everywhere, but I was alright. I got up and kept moving. Soon, I'd be in Castle Rock and I knew exactly how to get there, as I had walked these very tracks the summer before, the image of a dead body fresh in my mind. Now, it's the image of Chris and Gordie, my best friends, alive and insanely bitchin, with me again.

I was a little bloody and I felt a storm coming on. I ran and ran towards my hometown. I could feel it coming closer and closer in my heart and right to my bones. I crossed the borderline and a wave of relief washed over me. I was home.

Everything was closed now and would be closed until Monday. I didn't mind, as long as I could see my boys again. I wanted to know how Chris was doing, his letters were very short and vague, which made me think that something was happening to him he didn't want to talk about. I was worried for him and wanted to see him right away.

I passed the church and a memory came over me. It was me and Chris and Teddy and we were eight. Teddy had just gotten back from the hospital for his ear and Chris was really hurting from his old man's last beating on him. We met up and ran away to the church together. I was thinking about Nate a lot, so we all had our problems that we needed to work out. We ran together to the church and hid there. We knew no one would look for us in here. We wouldn't be caught dead in the church unless four nuns and the pope were draggin us in by the ears. It became our hiding spot after that day.

I got to Chris' house and hopped over the fence. At the side of the house, his window jutted out just a little, but there was no way to get to the window to knock on it. I had to throw rocks at it and hope he heard it. He was a light sleeper, though, thank God.

I threw a few rocks and thought I heard something, so I stopped and waited. The window opened and Chris' head popped out and looked around. He looked almost the same as when I left him. His hair was longer and his nose looked a little more crooked than I remember, but other than that, he hadn't changed a bit.

"Chris!" I whispered and he looked down and his eyes nearly bugged outta his head. I smiled a toothy grin up at him while he started to climb out his window. "Hey fuckface, how ya doin," I said nonchalantly, as if I had just seen him earlier that day.

"Oh my god, Shawn! What are you doing here! I can't believe you're back! Is everything okay?" He hugged me and picked me up and swung me around and around him.

"Yeah, everything's great. I just ran away from Brooklyn, hopped a freight train and then jumped off, so that was awesome, and I—"

"You're even crazier than Teddy, Shawn. Only you," Chris said, but he was smiling at me, too. I pulled him with me towards the church and smiled back at him.

"I wanted to see you and Gordie. I missed you both, so much. And I couldn't stand my new school. I didn't have any friends and after all the trouble I got in there, I look like an angel here."

"Wow, you musta been like three days away from expulsion, huh?"

"Actually, I got expelled," I said offhandedly, but I didn't let him stop me until we got to the church. When we did get there, I told him everything about my time in Brooklyn. He laughed at a lot of the stuff that happened and I made it look like I was hurt, but I really wasn't. I didn't care at all, I was home and I was in Heaven.

Then I asked Chris what was going on with him while I was gone. He was happy to say that not much had happened in eighth grade and it was so boring without me there with them. Gordie got a girlfriend, named Poppy. Yeah, Poppy, I laughed when Chris told me, too. I thought he was joking when he told me, but nope, that's her name. I never met her before, but I guess I will soon, since she's still with Gordie.

"And no one's looking at you, yet?" I joked with him and he looked at me and smiled. I think that was one of the things I missed the most in Brooklyn, Chris' smile. It was so innocent and pure and rare, it lit up a room so fast. And I was one of the few lucky people who was able to see it more times than usual. Because Chris Chambers never had much to smile about, but when he did, it was a magical thing.

"Naw, nobody looks at a Chambers like that," Chris said a little sadly.

"You know, the girls I was with over the summer coulda liked you. But, if you went out with any of them, I'd kill you," I said and he laughed again. "Come on man, there's gotta be someone you like." I had to do it, I was gonna pry till I got the answers I wanted.

"Well, you know, there was this one girl I liked. You knew her, she left last year. She was cute as can be, she had these little freckles all around there—" he pointed at my face where I had some freckles—"and a scar on her neck. She was headstrong and defiant and the most awesome person I ever met," Chris said and looked like he was going into a memory/flashback mode.

"Oh Chris! I'm sorry, but I don't like you like that."

"Oh man! I'm such an idiot! I-I think I'm gonna die of humiliation now. Just leave me alone now, I'm gonna go to my little corner and slit my wrists. Be back soon," Chris said as we both laughed. Yeah, me and Chris dating, that's a laugh right there. But, we always joked about it like this, 'cause so many people said we should date. Guess who that was? Yeah, that's right, the dumb blondes.

Sometimes, the three of us think that they only say that 'cause they always see us together. And they think that I can't get any better than a Chambers apparently. If they only took a moment, just five minutes, to get to know Chris, things would be a lot different.

We talked for hours it seemed, just catching up on old times, just me and Chris. It felt nice to have it just me and him there, with no interruptions. For that short while, it felt like we were innocent little kids again.

I looked at my watch and noticed it was almost six in the morning. We had been here for over four hours. "We should get to sleep," Chris said and I nodded in agreement. I was definitely tired and could use a few hours of sleep.

So, we both laid down on the pew we had been sitting on together and both fell asleep. But, a lot of you probably know about the pews; they aren't exactly comfortable and don't really fit two grown fourteen-year-olds on them. Chris was able to lie down, but like that, I'd either have my head near his feet (no way would that be happening) or my head against his and both of our legs falling over the side (yeah, that's not too comfortable).

So, we ended up with Chris sleeping on the wooden pew (his back was killing him like a bitch for the next few days) and I was pretty much laying on top of him with my head on his chest and his arm around me a little so I wouldn't fall. If you walked in and saw us, you'd probably get some bad pictures in your mind...and we were in a church, which would just make that so much worse. But, I swear, nothing like that happened, me and Chris will always be just friends. That was what I knew, that me and Chris would always be just best friends. What I didn't know, but so wish I did, was that Chris would only be alive for ten more years.

We woke up late the next morning and I got that funny feeling that we were being watched. It took me a while to realize that it was Sunday and people would be coming into church soon...can someone say shit? "SHIT!" I yelled, waking up Chris.

"What's wrong?"

"We gotta scram before anyone sees us. And I wanna see Gordie."

"What do you wanna see that little fucker for when you got me?"

"Don't swear in church!" I hit him playfully and then pulled him up so we could leave and get Gordie. We went to his house to find him already awake and eating his breakfast, which he nearly choked on when he saw me in his kitchen again.

"Shawnie, what the fuck you doing here? God, c'mere and gimme a hug!" he yelled at me and I gave him a hug. Then, pulling Chris into a group hug, with me in the middle and one arm around each of their shoulders, I said, "It feels great to be back with my two favorite people. James Dean in my entire movie collection of him...and one of yous two."

Gordie and Chris both whacked me in the back of the head, but we were all smiling, just happy that I was back, and back home for good, I hoped. Of course, I still had to go to school here, and start really late, I'd probably have to repeat eighth grade or go to summer school. I'd check tomorrow though. Right now, I just wanted to hang with my boys, just like old times.


	12. You've Got a Friend

_**My Own Private Paradise**_

**Author**: hell's lil angel13

**Summary**:Before and after the journey to find Ray Brower, there was another one there. After their journey, what happens next? How did they change, how did they stay the same?

**Disclaimer**:I keep saying 'see chap one,' so I'll actually write it this time. I only own Shawn, all the rest belongs to Stephen King and Rob Reiner and whoever else created Stand By Me.

_**You've Got a Friend**_

We finished school towards the middle of June. The school called my old school in Brooklyn and got my grades and work and all that shit. I have to repeat science this summer and pull my grades up next year.

Coach said it was about time I came back and said that he thought I'd come back much earlier. He's still working and all, so nothing has changed. He also said, though, that he knew that if I did run way, Mama would know and she'd come after me. He knew that I knew that she knew where I was and that she wouldn't give this up. She is my mama and has a right to take me home.

I asked Chris and Gordie one day why I couldn't just stay with Coach. Chris said that since we never went to court, neither of my parents were granted custody of me. So, legally, I belonged to them both still and had really no choice in the matter.

Well, that fucking sucks, don't you think? Wanna hear what sucks even more? You do, well, let me tell you the story and you'll find out, yeah? Alright, if you say so.

I remember when we were kids; we used to camp out in Vern Tessio's back field almost every weekend. Now, with the fact that we only just say 'hi' to him and Teddy in the halls and stuff like that, we don't do our "camping trips" anymore. But, all three of us decided that we should again.

We were sitting in Gordie's room, doing our homework on Thursday a little before school let out. I was lying on my back and trying to figure out my French homework. I seriously couldn't remember if phoque meant seal or if it was salle that meant fuck...Okay, so I didn't have to know how to say 'fuck' in French, but I did think I should broaden my horizons a little, right?

Gordie was trying to finish all his work as soon as possible so he could call Poppy, since she wasn't in school today. I swear, I haven't seen the chick too much, but by the looks and sounds of it, she's got poor Gordie whipped. And every time someone gets whipped in books and movies, they end up doing something really stupid to either get dumped, cheated on, or killed...or a mixture of the three.

"Hey," Gordie said suddenly, "my parents are going out of town this weekend. And you know what I was thinking?"

"You want us to get lost so you can fuck Poppy?" I asked quickly and Chris tried, and failed, to stifle a laugh.

"No, not yet. I was thinking, we haven't camped out in years. How bout the three of us camp out in a tent in my backyard this weekend? We could go to the lake for a while, you know, just like old times?" I looked at Chris excitedly and we both nodded and said it was a good idea. I'd have to ask Daddy though.

"My old man's out with Ace's dad and them rummies. I think mama will be fine with it," Chris said happily.

I remember when we were little kids, some of the happiest memories I had was when we would all go through the woods a little behind Gordie's house and go swimming in the lake over the summer and spring. We'd dunk each other and throw one another off the dock. When we were really little and didn't really know the difference between guys and girls yet, I will admit we went skinny dipping quite often. Hey, stop laughing, we don't do it anymore!

"I gotta get home for supper," I said to the guys a few hours later as I looked at the time. I packed up and walked two streets over to my house. "Daddy?" I called when I walked in the front door. "Daddy, you home?" I yelled and stuck my head in the kitchen. He was cooking some spaghetti and meatballs.

"Hey Shawn, how is everything?" he asked me.

"Good, Chris and Gordie say hi. Um, is it alright if I go and camp out with them tomorrow night?"

"What's tomorrow, Friday?"

"Yeah."

"Sure, I don't see why not," he said and then handed me some plates and forks and stuff to set the table. We sat down and started to eat when Daddy said, "What about your other friends besides Gordie and Chris?"

I bit my lip. I was never really good at making friends and although I had a few other friends, I never talked to them much outside of school. "What about them?"

"Well, how are they doing?" I shrugged and said that they seemed fine. "Nothing's going on with them?"

"I don't think so. Chris and Gordie are in all my classes except gym, so I just talk to them mostly."

"What about your friends in gym class then?"

"Erm...they're okay, I guess," I said. I didn't exactly have _'friends'_ in gym class. They were mostly just girls that I knew a little bit who didn't have a partner and I'd partner up with them for the day. A lot of the time, I have to join a group and make a group of three for something.

But, I liked when we did the dodgeball unit, since it was just teams that needed to be picked. Yeah, I was always picked towards the end 'cause the popular bitches were always captains. But, my team always won because I was quick and had aim...unlike other people I know (coughbitchesfromtheviewcough).

Chris and I went straight to Gordie's house the next day after school. Poppy came along with us and stayed for supper. She got along well with Gordie's mama, which I think was a god thing for Gordie. His mama was starting to notice Gordie, finally, and also seemed happy that Poppy was such a lovely girl for her son.

After the dishes were all cleared and Poppy went home, we decided to watch TV, since it wasn't dark enough out yet; we had an early dinner. I noticed that Attack of the Giant Leeches was on TV and when I suggested it, Gordie got up and locked himself in a closet until I promised we wouldn't watch it. I only meant it as a joke! I guess he hasn't gotten over the little leech thing. Then again, if I had one hanging from my tits or any other place like that, I'd probably do the same as Gordie.

We watched Paladin instead and when it was over, we started to bring all our stuff outside into the tent. The tent was really only supposed to hold one or two people in it, so trying to stuff three sleeping bags, a bunch of magazines, food, flashlights, and three full-grown kids in it wasn't exactly easy. But, we did it, somehow.

After the tent was set up—which took a while because we goofed off and made it collapse on Chris—we got changed and went through the woods to the lake to go swimming. As usual, we raced to the dock to see who would be pushed in and who was fast enough to jump in before the others pushed them.

We all made it to the dock at the same time and jump grabbed one another and kinda just threw ourselves into the water. It was really awkward, but so hilarious. We came up laughing hysterically and spitting water out of our mouths.

But, Gordie had to go and pick me up and chuck me farther from him and Chris into deeper water. You know, for a skinny little string bean, the kid has muscle! "Oh you're gonna get it now Lachance! You die, Lachance!" I yelled and started to splash Gordie with no mercy and dunking him continuously.

Chris joined in and started dunking me and Gordie, so it turned into a three-way dunking match. If we were having a wet t-shirt contest, I wouldn't be able to tell you who won after that; we were all so soaked.

The sun was starting to set and we trekked back to the tent. But, when we got there, Gordie's mama was walking towards us. It was unusual, since she never usually came out to see us in the tent before.

"Oh good, there you are," she said. She looked at me and said, "Shawn, your mother is here." She gave me a confused look; she knew I didn't live with my mother. I looked nervously at Chris and Gordie, who returned the look, and I nodded to Mrs. Lachance.

Still dripping water and trying to pull on a pair of wrinkled gym shorts, I followed Mrs. Lachance into the house. Mama was there and sitting at the table alone with a cup of tea in one hand.

"Hi Mama, how are you?" I said, trying to keep my cool and act as if there was nothing wrong that I knew of.

"Come with me, let's go for a walk, yes?" she said and I gulped. But, I threw aside my better judgement and followed her out the door.

We walked down the street a little ways and then stopped at the corner between Carbine and Pine Street. We stood there for a few moments in silence, me biting my lip the entire time and wishing that Gordie and Chris were here or hiding in the bushes somewhere spying on us.

I was about to open my mouth to say something when I suddenly had a hand, with three large, sharp rings and five filed fingernails, come in contact with my face, and not lightly either. And although I knew it happened, it took me a moment to realize that my mother had just slapped me across the face. I touched my face and felt cuts where her fingers and rings had broken the skin.

"I can't believe you would do something so childish as to run away, Shannon Elizabeth Collins," she said. Oh man, the three-namer thing. That's always the worst thing that could ever happen to you. And if my mom had stayed with Daddy, I bet you anything I woulda gotten it at least once a week. I stayed quiet and waited for her to continue. "You know I told you that you were to stay with me, and you deliberately disobeyed me."

I'm still quiet; I won't say anything, because I have nothing to say. She doesn't own me. "Now this whole tomboy thing of yours was fine when you were a little girl. But, now you're almost thirteen years old and turning into a young woman, you can't keep on acting like this." Almost thirteen, is that what she said? I'm fourteen woman, not almost thirteen! But, I still don't say a word.

"Answer me when I speak to you, young lady," Mama scolded me. But, I just shook my head and stand there. She wants me to talk, but I'm not going to. I won't back down for her. We stand there, staring each other down and probably waiting for me to say something. Mama grabs my shoulder suddenly and starts to shake me and loudly whispers at me to say something.

Grinding my teeth and shaking my head, I say without unclamping my teeth, "You don't own me anymore. You gave up on me and Daddy the day you left. I want nothing to do with you now." More shakes and another smack across the face, but I don't back down; I am tough and hang in there until it's over. I took on all the Cobras with Chris and Gordie, with Ray Brower's dead body behind us; I could stand up to my mom too. "You're not the boss of me anymore. And I'm not going anywhere with you," I finished. I was done now, so I spat in the space between Mama and me, turned on my heel and ran all the way to Gordie's house (_I ran all the way home! Just to say I'm soh-ree!_ Sorry, just had to do that). I went into the backyard, flung myself into the tent as fast as I could through the opening. I nearly landed on Gordie, but didn't care. I turned around to face the opening and closed the door, keeping both the zippers on the inside, just in case.

"What happened?" Gordie said quickly once I got my breathing and heart rate down to a more normal pace. I told them what my mom did, but I was barely able to tell them that she practically backhanded me when Chris' calloused, yet gentle, fingertips ran the length of the cuts on my face.

"It's not bad," I tried to convince them. I'd seen what Chris went through almost every week, I wasn't gonna complain about my petty problems. But, the guys didn't seem to think the same way that I did.

"Not that bad! Shawn, there's like six scratches on your cheek," Gordie said, pushing my face a little so he could see the cuts better.

"Really, it's not that bad. I'm fine," I insisted. They didn't look like they believed me, but they dropped the subject. We got into our sleeping bags and lay down, ready to just relax and enjoy one another's company.

We goofed off and did the usual stuff that we would do, but there was a stiff sort of tension that hung in the air the entire time. We all knew it was about me and my mama, but none of us mentioned it while we talked.

But, when we decided it was time to go to bed, a growing sense of dread suddenly filled up in my stomach. What if she was still out there somewhere, very close and just waiting for the right moment to take me away again? Just because the zippers were on the inside didn't mean we could keep her out forever.

I was suddenly scared, and although I didn't voice it, Chris and Gordie knew right away. That was what made our friendship so great; we didn't need words to tell each other if we were sad or scared or confused or whatever. We just knew right away, kinda like we had this twin telepathy thing going for us.

They knew, and for that I was grateful. We moved our sleeping bags as close as we could to each other; me squished in the middle of the guys. Just before I fell asleep, I felt two arms reach around me, one from each of the guys, and I felt safe again. I somehow felt right then that I could do anything, because I had my two best friends with me to back me up, and I knew that if I found my mother again, I had Chris and Gordie there behind me, every step of the way.


	13. Epilogue

_**My Own Private Paradise**_

**Author**: hell's lil angel13

**Summary**:Before and after the journey to find Ray Brower, there was another one there. After their journey, what happens next? How did they change, how did they stay the same?

**Disclaimer**:I only own Shawn, all the rest belongs to Stephen King and Rob Reiner and whoever else created Stand By Me.

**A/N**:Well, here's the end. I thank all of you who stuck with me for the entire time of this story. And I hope you liked it, too! That's the most important part. This is just the epilogue and kinda short. But, I hope you like it anyways!

_**Epilogue**_

Things stayed the same with me and Chris and Gordie. We stayed close throughout high school and stayed in touch a little through college. Once high school started, things were awesome. We were all in the same gym, English, and science classes. Our other classes were different, but we were together most of the day and at lunch.

It took way longer than we wanted, but by our junior year of high school, Chris was finally accepted. Teachers realized that he was gonna gut high school out, and in the college courses at that, and girls realized that Chris was a hot guy and a really nice guy.

We all dated through high school. I had boyfriends they didn't like (they turned out to be jerks anyway) and they had girlfriends I didn't like. But, they never came between us. We clung to each other since we were kids, it was just survival now.

After high school, Chris and Gordie went to the University of Maine while I went down to Duke to pursue a medical career. Since then, I found out a few things, most of them sad, but brutally true.

In 1966, when we were about eighteen, maybe nineteen, Vern Tessio went to a house party one night. He passed out while smoking a cigarette and the house caught fire. He was killed in the fire and the police had to identify him and the other victims by their teeth.

I remember in junior year, Teddy Duchamp called his guidance counselor a lying sack of shit because he said that, because of his hearing aid and glasses, he'd never make it into the army. He got a three day vacation for it.

He got held back for tardies and skipping too much, but he graduated, which was a miracle in itself.

He tried many times to get into the army, no luck, as you probably guessed.

When we were growing up, there was a saying that went, 'If you go out alone, you're a hero. Take someone else with you and you're dogpiss.' Teddy and some other friends were in his ancient Chevy Bel Air and passing around a joint and drinking. The car crashed into a utility pole and everyone was killed instantly. That was back in 1971.

I went to both of their funerals and tried to cry, I knew I should've. They were my best friends growing up, but I couldn't cry at either of the funerals.

Chris enrolled in the college courses with me and Gordie. It was hard, he was very close to quitting dozens of times. Once, his old man actually smashed a Rhinegold bottle on his head. Chris needed four stitches to close up his scalp.

We helped Chris for hours every night to help him catch up on the seven years he skived off of school. He ended up graduating nineteenth, Gordie stood seventh, and I was thirteenth, right in the middle, just like I've always been.

Chris never married. He was still in college when it happened. And while he had plenty of girlfriends, most of them from places that wasn't Castle Rock, he told me that he never had that "can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, World Series" kinda thing with them. When I asked him once whether he thought he ever could get that feeling, he told me seriously that he didn't really think he wanted it.

"Once I get it, I won't be able to know what else is out there for me," he said. "I want to test all the waters I can. I wanna be as free as I can be, forever. And I can't do that if I get married. I don't want my chains to tie me down any more than they already have."

In late 1971, it felt as if the world as I knew it was crashing around me. One day, Chris went into a fast food restaurant and saw two guys in front of him in an argument, one of them pulled a knife. He stepped in between them and tried to break it up. But, he was stabbed in the throat and killed almost instantly. At this funeral, me and Gordie did cry. We didn't want to cry in front of Mandy, Gordie's wife, or Rick, my current boyfriend, so we went to a corner and cried together. It would be pussy to do it anywhere else.

But, Gordie and I are still alive and keeping in touch. He's a writer and very successful and I'm a doctor. We're both still in Maine and while all our other friends are dead, we still have each other. I don't think I could ask for anything else.

He got married, and I was there watching. He married a girl named Mandy Bonn, a girl he met in college. She was a great person, and just right for my Gordo. I was very glad she didn't mind when I stole Gordie for a few dances at the wedding reception. If she got mad, I'd probably have to smack some sense into the chick!

A few years later, I got married to a great guy named Mikey Flynn. Gordie was there and did the same thing to me at the reception. Mikey didn't mind, either, and he even danced with Mnady a few times. I smiled as I saw them and told Gordie we may have our spouces cheating on us with each other. He shoved cake in my face for that. How rude was he, right? But, I got him back, so it's all good. Took us about a week to get the triple chunky chocolate frosting out of our hair.

Gordie and me, the last of our gang left. And that's the way we'll stay until we both die, too. Then who knows what will happen? Heaven and Hell will never be the same again, probably!


End file.
